Truths

I have had so many ideas for my next blog post but as I sat down today... all I can think about is, well to be honest I'm struggling.

With a lot

I am someone who, hmm how to say it, anxiety and depression visit me occasionally. It is not how I define myself but they do play a part. August was rough for me, deaths and doctors visits and Grand finals and juggling two jobs on top of parenting and being there for my husband who works a fairly demanding job too. It all took a toll, add to that the awards and the conference and imposters syndrome and I find myself in a place where... the anxiety attacks haven't left me. For weeks. They seem to have moved in rent free to my belly.

Now this isn't a sob story. I am so very lucky to be able to support myself with my own business.

But.. for how long?

This is what is currently playing over and over in my head. For how long?

The last two months have been dismal. Like think the first few rounds I ran 4 years ago kinda dismal. And I know it is a case of the world has become a stupidly expensive place to live. Everyone is worried, rent is increasing, interest rates are on the rise, and don't get me started on Petrol, but this also transfers across to increased business costs. The cost to get anything sent to me now is insane, the Aussie dollar has eaten a dick and I am sitting here wondering if I should start looking for a job outside of fabrics.

I mean there is nothing for you my loves to panic about, there is money in the bank to pay invoices. And there is art that has been bought to last me well into next year.. but it does mean I will need to reduce what I get in, reduce the retail stock on hand, I have to wait until the dollar is better to even look at wizardry strings or sewing tags for a while. I have implemented so many new things to improve my business and how it runs. I have followed all the steps I have been told to do. And honestly I feel defeated. What more can I do?

I have previously been told I am too honest in my posts. Its a business and it should be treated as such. But I don't actually believe that.

I think that its a community we have built. I think that to key to providing good customer service is honesty and to being a successful brand is to be honest about who you are.

And to acknowledge mental illness is so important.

I am running around cutting costs left right and center hunkering down, ready.

I don't know where to go from here to "Keep moving forward"

Maybe I will wake up tomorrow with a bright new day and a bright new plan. I bought some baby chickens. Baby chicken help.

I am outside more. That helps too. I don't look at other fabric businesses now as that sets of the comparison monster in me. I really don't need anxieties BFF to join in right now with a dollop of depression. So avoiding the triggers is smart. I love those ladies, but to stay sane I can't follow them. Sad but true.

Maybe sales will increase over time. Or maybe I will turn my business back in to a "hobby" and find a job ( considering I just struggled to not run out of Coles from the increasing anxiety I was being dealt makes me hope this doesn't need to happen. LOL ) Or as Mel Robbins say "What if it all works out?"

I am not writing about all this as some weird guilt trip "Oh go buy my fabrics, I am so sad" good lord no. But I am writing it to maybe let people know that its OK to not be OK. Its not who you are. Its just visiting for a little while. I am proud of my little business and how far it has come over the years. I am proud of the community we have all created.

 Image me sitting here copying Meg Ryan in "French Kiss" Arm raised a little teary and saying "I will triumph"

As a guy I follow on TikTok called Greg says "Find your joy"